What you want
by KaiaLuna
Summary: Odd little one shot I thought of while procrastinating on a paper.
1. Bella

I sat on the cliff staring out over the rocky ocean. I hated what I had become, this broken shell of a person. How had it all ended up like this?

"Hey Leech Lover!" I turned my head to see Paul striding out of the woods in a pair of low-slung shorts. "Thinking about jumping?"

"Why not?"

"Besides the storm rolling in?"

"So take me over." I wasn't sure why I said it. I had only thought about jumping for a second and Jacob promised to take me one day, when it was safe. I only wanted to go to hear _his_ voice anyways.

Now I want to escape, I wanted to feel, something, anything really beside the pain or semi-blissful numbness.

He stared at me for a minute, "Why?"

"To be free." I told him without thinking.

"You want to jump off a cliff with a building storm to be free?"

"Yes." I nodded standing, "So?"

He shrugged, "It'll be cold."

"You're like a hundred and ten degrees."

"One oh seven and I'll be fine. You'll be cold."

I shrugged, "So?"

He just watched me for a minute and then stepped closer, "I think you might be losing it Leech Lover."

"Maybe, or maybe I'm just trying to get it back."

He laughed, "Fight crazy with crazy huh." I shrugged again and turned back to the water. I felt his heat as he came up behind me and turned me, "Hold on," His arms wrapped around me and I felt his heat surround me, he smelled like the coming storm.

The next minute we were airborne and I wrapped myself tighter around him. We plunged into the water a second later. It was turbulent and fierce but Paul kept me safe, pulling me through the water, through the storm to the surface. My lungs were burning as we broke surface. When it was shallow he let me trudge myself up the beach but I was tired, I had only taken three steps when he lifted me in his arms. I curled into his heat looking at the ocean and the cliff as he carried us into the woods.

"Where are we?" I asked him as he stepped into a clearing.

"Home, mine anyways." Paul told me stomping up the porch and pushing open the door.

"You live in a cabin in the woods?"

"Yes." It was a good-sized one-room log cabin. He set me down and I stood shivering, dripping on his wood floor. "Shower to warm up, turn the temperature up slowly. My towel is clean, I'll get you something dry to wear."

I went to the bathroom and did as he said, the water felt good against my cold skin. Once I was warm and had washed all the salt from my hair and body, I dried off and wrapped a towel around myself before going back out to the room.

"Shirt is on the bed. Then sit." He motioned from the kitchen. I pulled it on and went to the table to sit, confused at why he was being nice to me.

"Paul?" I noticed he was in a clean, dry pair of cargo shorts.

"What?"

"Why did you jump?"

He shrugged, "Why not?"

"Do you hate being a wolf?"

"Not really." He set a mug of hot chocolate in front of me.

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

"Paul?"

"What?"

"I'm going to leave Forks."

"Red-head is still after you."

"You'll get her."

"Going to find them?"

I shook my head, "No but I can't stay here either."

"What do you want?" I frowned at him. "Have you ever just done what you want?"

I thought about it and shook my head, "No, I don't think I have."

"That's why I jumped." He told me. At my confused look he smirked, "You wanted to jump. Not for someone else or for any real reason, you just wanted to jump, to make yourself feel good. Sometimes Bella, we need to do things for ourselves and fuck what anybody else thinks."

I snorted, "I want to hit something, to scream, to burn down the Cullen house. I want to be angry but I'm just sad, alone and broken."

"You aren't alone or broken, sad and damaged maybe and you don't get mad because you make excuses for them, for everyone, you want to be mad be mad. You want to hit something; do it. I seem to recall you smacking me, though we really ought to teach you to throw a punch. You scream pretty good to," he gestured to the door, "Its nice and remote here, feel free, just do it outside, I have sensitive ears."

I giggled, "I can't just go outside and scream Paul."

"Yes you can." He stood up and grabbed my arm pulling me out into the rain. "Scream. You jumped off a bloody cliff in a storm you can scream a little."

I chuckled, blushing and rolled my eyes at him. "I can't."

"Ahhh!" He shouted. "Scream Bella!" He yelled at me. "Just let go!" And I did. I let it all out and screamed, yelling at the top of my lungs until I had no breath left to call out.

"Feel better?" He asked.

"Cold." I told him grinning.

Paul pulled me into his arms and carried me back into the house, dropping me on his bed and going to his dresser. He tossed me another dry shirt and stood with his back turned so I could change.

"I'll put your shit in the drier." He told me taking the wet shirt and my clothes from the bathroom. He started the machine and turned back to me, "Now let's teach you to hit." He stepped into the middle of the room and held up his hands, palm out, "come on."

I laughed, he was crazy, this whole afternoon was crazy but I felt better than I had in a long time so I got up and made a fist and hit his hand. He laughed and fixed my fists and then my stance. After a little bit, his stomach growled so I made him lunch and we settled on his couch to watch a movie on the small flat screen. The sun was setting as Jacob found us, both having fallen asleep on the couch part way through the movie.

"Bella?"

"Jake?" I sat up rubbing my eyes and laughed as I looked around, it hadn't been a dream.

Jake took me home. He didn't say much to me on the way and I sat half worrying for Charlie who'd lost his friend. Jake said Harry Clearwater had had a heart attack that afternoon. The other half of me was thinking about my afternoon with Paul and how light I felt, how relaxed.

A few days passed before I was with the pack again. They were having a bonfire so I went with Jake. I still felt amazingly light hearted. I wondered if it had all been a dream.

"Leech Lover." Paul growled at me as he came over to get food.

I grinned at him, "Hey Paul." When I turned back to Emily, she was looking from him to me like I might have lost my marbles. I was beginning to think I might have found them really. "This is great Emily. Next time you should call me, I can help with all the cooking."

"Yeah, sure, that would be great."

I smiled at her and took my plate over to Jake and sat down, I listened to them all talking and enjoyed the banter. Jake seemed to touch me more than usual. I knew he still liked me more than I liked him and I had started to think I should try for him, until three days ago when Paul took me off a cliff, screamed in the rain with me and taught me how to hit. I looked over at him sitting with Jared and Kim.

I stood up shrugging off Jake and went over to them. "You never did say how you felt about arson." I said sitting next to Kim while looking at Paul.

"Want to have a proper bonfire then? Thought we'd have to work you up to that one." He winked and it made me blush and laugh.

"Nope."

"Let's not risk the forest, we can trash it if you want though, might be more satisfying anyways."

I beamed at him, "You got a baseball bat?"

He chuckled, "I can procure one."

"Let's go."

"Now?"

I shrugged, "Why not?" Paul made me feel spontaneous, alive.

He stuffed the rest of his burger in his mouth and stood up wiping his hands before holding one out to me. "We can drive or you can ride a wolf." He said pulling me to my feet.

"Really?" The idea made me oddly excited, "Wont that hurt you?"

He laughed and shook his head, "I'll go phase."

I nodded and he disappeared into the woods.

"What?" Jared looked from him to me but I just laughed and winked at him before following after Paul.

He was already waiting, the giant silver form of his wolf watching me and likely scenting for fear. I hadn't been this close to the wolf before. I hugged him, unafraid; this was still Paul. I climbed carefully onto his back and held on as he stood and began to jog through the woods. I heard a noise and turned to see the other wolves had followed. We stopped at the edge of their property and I slid down. Paul whined but didn't move. I looked to the wolves in the woods and Sam stepped out in loose fitting shorts.

"Bella?"

"It's nothing Sam. Paul is just helping me out. They aren't here and they aren't coming back, at least not as far as I know."

He looked troubled but nodded and Paul phased. "Just here as the guard dog Sam. She's not breaking any treaties here and anyway fucking up their abandoned house isn't attacking them."

Sam nodded, "Jared."

I heard movement and then he stepped out of the woods as well. "Stay here with them, everyone else back to the bonfire." I heard a growl in the woods and Paul growled back. Jared just laughed. "Now." Sam ordered before nodding to us and stepping back into the woods.

Paul broke the silence, "Forgot the baseball bat."

"They have one." I told him. "Care to break the door for me?"

Paul nodded and Jared followed us to the garage door. Paul kicked it in and I took a breath before going in and picking up the baseball bat. They followed me into the house. It all looked the same. Furniture was covered in white sheets but it was all there. I tried not to look around as I went up the stairs and into Edward's room. It was exactly the same. I fell to my knees, his scent filling my nostrils.

"Jared out." I heard Paul order before he pulled me into his arms, "Maybe not so ready for this yet."

I shook my head, breathing in his scent, he smelled like thunderstorms and it gave me strength. I pulled out of his lap and turned to Edward's stereo.

"Teach me how to bat Paul."

He came up around me, his arms wrapping around me as he positioned us like we were really playing baseball. A few easy swings and then he let me fly with it. I smashed the stereo and then all the CDs. I trashed everything and then turned and kissed Paul.

He growled.

"Fuck me Paul." I hissed at him.

"Bella."

"You don't love me. I don't love you. Tomorrow you might imprint or Victoria might kill me. Tonight, right now, I want you to fuck me."

He growled and his arms tightened around me as his head dropped so his mouth could meet mine. His kiss was hard and demanding. I demanded right back.

When I couldn't breathe, he pulled back a little to kiss and nip down my neck as he pulled off my clothes. He lifted me into his arms and moved through the debris to the couch. He bent down, one hand still holding me to him as I kissed, licked and bit his shoulders and neck, his other hand swept all the debris from the couch and he laid me back on it before stepping back and pulling off my jeans.

I reached for him, "Bella?"

"Paul, please, now!" His hands went to his shorts and opened them. I devoured him with my eyes, blushing slightly as I took in his beauty. He was a predator, strong and so fucking sexy. I licked my lips and made an odd mewling sound of want and he was back over me, his heat pouring into me. Paul was electricity, lightning and he was brining me to life. He sucked, bit and kissed my skin, driving me crazy, then his hand slipping into my panties and his finger began to stroke my core. When one of his fingers slipped inside me and curled as he pumped, he hit a spot that made me scream his name and convulse as the world shattered around me. I heard a tearing noise as he ripped the fabric of my panties and then felt him at my entrance. "Yes, Paul, fuck me, now." I panted at him.

He pushed in slowly, it burned as he stretched me but it was a good pain, one that drove me higher. He stopped and I groaned in protest, he leaned down and kissed me before pushing through the thin barrier. That hurt. The sharp pain faded fast though and I was full, so full of him. I rocked against him and he started to move, building me up again. His movements started slow and gentle but as they grew faster, they became harder and I dug my nails into his back, urging him to take me harder still. He growled and his hand moved to that magic little bundle of nerves and he stroked it making my body quiver around him. He growled again, two more hard thrusts and a pinch to my clit and I joined him as he carried me over the cliff with him.

We lay panting for a bit after and I laughed kissing his shoulder. "If you don't imprint tomorrow, can we do that again?"

He chuckled and sent me a panty dropping grin, "Yeah Leech Lover, we can do that again whenever you feel up for it."

"Come on then Wolf. I have a grand piano to destroy."

He kissed me and then we got up and dressed. Downstairs I took a couple swings at the piano but my destructive desire had fled. I just felt to good, to alive.

It wasn't until we went back outside and saw him sitting in the yard grinning that I remembered Jared.

"Jake's gonna kill you." He nodded to Paul.

"It's none of his fucking business." I told him. "We are friends but he is not my keeper and I can fuck whoever the hell I want to, it's my life."

Paul laughed and I turned back to him to see him slip out of his shorts and burst into a giant silver wolf. I rolled my eyes at him chuckling and went to pick up his shorts before climbing onto his back.

Jared was right; Jake was pissed, not just at Paul but me to. The next day he made it a pack issue. I mean I know they all shared a mind but that didn't mean we needed to talk about it.

Mostly I ignored him, at least until he demanded Sam Alpha order Paul to stay away from me, "What if he imprints Sam! You need to order him to stay away from her!"

"Fuck you Jacob Black." I spat at him, then chuckled mirthlessly, "Oh no, that's right, that's your problem, I fucked Paul not you. No one would be alpha ordering you away, would they? No it's fine if you play with my heart and claim to love me until you imprint right?"

"Bella…"

"No." I cut him off, "I love you" his eyes softened a little until I continued, "like a brother but I will not be ordered or manipulated to do or not do anything. This is my life and if I want to screw Paul or any one else it is none of your damn business." I turned to Sam, "If he does imprint, great, I hope she is wonderful. I don't love him. I don't think anyone here has ever gotten the impression that either of us holds a secret love burning for the other. We fucked. Maybe we'll do it again. Really though it's none of your business."

Sam nodded, "I agree."

"Sam!"

"Enough Jacob. It's their lives and they can make their own choices, both are aware of the possibility he'll imprint." Sam nodded to me, "None of us want to see you hurt again Bella but it is your life, you can do what you want with it. At least screwing Paul you actually seem to be living again."

I smiled at him, "Thanks Sam. Now can we maybe possibly not talk about this anymore?" He nodded and the discussion ended. Jake stopped talking to me. I kept fucking Paul. I started to talk to my friends at school again, even went on a date with Tyler. The sex with Paul the next day was even better, he was a bit possessive, relationship or not, I assured him I was only hot for him.

The more time I spent with Paul, the more confident I felt. I stopped repressing emotions, especially my anger or pain. I became a bit of a bitch and Leah and I became friends. It happened just as randomly as my friendship with Paul.

"You know he's going to imprint." Leah said sitting down next to me, she moved her head to Paul and bared her teeth, I guessed he was growling at her.

"Yup." I answered popping the p.

She stared at me, "You don't care?"

"I hope he does." I told her honestly and I could feel Paul's eyes on us. All the wolves in the yard seemed to be listening now.

"You hope he does?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I want my friend to find his soul mate? I'll miss the sex but soon I wont be here anyways."

"You're leaving?"

"Graduation is in two months so after you guys kill Victoria I'll be safe enough to leave Forks. I'll miss him. All of you really, but I will still be glad to see this place in the rearview mirror."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry you can't leave and have your own fresh start Leah but you know, I found one here with Paul, a temporary one but hey that doesn't mean you can't find a permanent one here." She tilted her head in thought and nodded. After that day, we started to hang out. Jake was talking to me again but still hated that I was sleeping with Paul.

Victoria made her move on the day of graduation, she came with a small army. It cost the wolves many broken bones but they seemed to attack each other as much as anything and the boys took the bitch out and burned her and her army.

I spent the summer free and happy, really happy, something Paul can attest to since it resulted in sex on the cliffs and in the woods all around La Push. Seth complained he could smell us everywhere. I stayed until the last days of summer. Then I hugged all the wolves and imprints, kissed Paul and climbed into my truck. I wasn't sure where I was going which worried Charlie and all the pack thought was crazy, except Paul. He understood.

"Take care of yourself Leech Lover."

"You to Wolf."

He kissed me, "Take what you want from life Bella, stay strong."

I nodded and kissed him a final time before climbing in and driving away.

I went east and ended up in Chicago.

I found work in an office but hated it so quit and found a job in a restaurant and bar instead. I rented a tiny one-room apartment, made some friends and became a new me.

November I got a call that Renee and Phil had been in a car accident. I went to Florida for a few weeks to get everything organized. Paul flew out to be with me. I had missed him. I'd dated two 'normal' men in Chicago, one was wonderful, he was fun and intelligent but the sex was terrible. He was small, much smaller than Paul; he always wore his socks to bed and was almost robotic about his movements. The next guy, who I was still casually dating when I went to Florida for my mothers funeral, was a little bit better in bed but worked all the time and had no sense of the spontaneous or adventure. I broke up with him as soon as I got back to Chicago.

I spent Christmas in Forks with Charlie and the pack while screwing Paul every chance I got. Then instead of going back to Chicago I moved again, this time I decided to move to Boston.

It wasn't until March my world changed and almost exactly one year and six months after they walked out of my life, the Cullen family walked back into it.

"Bella?"

"Alice?" I turned at the sound of her voice and stared, stunned.

"Hello Bella." She smiled at me. "How are you?"

"Shit." I cursed, blinking, "I, uh, um, what are you doing here?"

"I came to find you."

"Right, well, um, it's been a while."

"Can we sit?" Alice asked motioning to a table.

"Yeah, uh, sure." I moved with her to the outdoor table and sat, "Are you, um, alone?"

She shook her head, "No, the others are here, waiting to see you when you want to. Well most of the others."

"Most of them?"

"Edward and Jasper aren't with us."

"Where are they?"

"Edward is in Alaska and Jazz is with his coven in New Orleans."

I snorted, "Vampires in New Orleans." Then it hit me, "Wait, what do you mean his coven?"

"Jasper has a brother and sister from his life before me. He'd left them before we met and he went back to them after we left you."

"Why?"

"Jasper blamed himself and maybe the disappointment and pity of the others got to him." She shrugged, "Jasper doesn't talk much about what he feels."

"Why aren't you with him?"

She smiled sadly, "Oh Jazz and I are fine, don't worry Bella. I had to come see you. I just, oh Bella, if I had known, well, I'm sorry things went the way they did Bella. I don't see everything and things do change."

"Alice none of it was your fault, none of it was Jasper's fault."

She nodded, "We're still sorry though. We did, we do love you Bella."

I nodded, "I love you to Alice. I missed you."

"We missed you to. The family was hoping you'd come back with me."

"Didn't you already see if I would or not?"

"I didn't look. We didn't want to pressure you by just all showing up or seem like we were taking away the choice to ask us to leave you alone."

I shook my head, "No. How did you even find me?"

"We went back to Forks." She looked away and I blushed remembering the house.

"I broke into your house."

She nodded, "Edward was with us. He was very distraught over it." I snorted. "He did love you Bella. He was trying to keep you safe. He, well all of us just went about it the wrong way."

"Yeah, well its over so we can all just move on."

She nodded, "Your blood was on the couch."

I blushed, "I, Paul, we…"

"Had sex on it, yeah that scent was still there too."

I blushed deeper, "Right, um, well, sorry about that."

She laughed, "I doubt you regret it and I suppose Edward deserved it, though the house smelled like wet dog the entire time we were there. Why didn't you trash the rest of the house?"

"I was only really angry at Edward. I was sad about the rest of you."

She nodded, "Are you ready to come to the hotel with me now?"

"Charlie told you I was living here?"

She nodded, "Yes, I told him I really missed you and wanted to contact you. He still likes me, I was surprised by that. He told me what things were like for you after we left. I'm so very sorry Bella. I didn't see. I couldn't see, I think it was the wolves."

"It's in the past." I told her with a shrug. "Let's go get the reunion over with so you can all tell me what you're doing here."

She nodded and I tossed my only half empty coffee into the bin. She led us to a small silver Mercedes convertible. We drove to the W Boston Hotel and I followed her up to a suite where the others were waiting. They looked nervous, if vampires could look nervous.

"Hello." I said blushing as I stepped inside.

"Bella." Esme breathed.

"Hello Bella." Carlisle smiled kindly at me, "How are you?"

"Fine thanks, you?"

"Very well. Thank you for coming."

"Of course." I nodded. The tension in the room could choke a person.

"So," Alice took my arm and pulled me further into the sitting room, "How is school?"

"Fine I guess." I told her. "What are you doing these days? Back in High School?"

Alice shook her head, "No. I've opened a little boutique with Esme and Rose, Emmett is working as a contractor and Carlisle is working at a clinic."

"Where?"

"Camden, Maine."

I nodded, "How long have you been there?"

"Since January. We were in Alaska for a while after we left you."

"So, um, you went back to Forks?" I blushed and looked at Carlisle and Esme, "Sorry about your house."

"Of course." Carlisle smiled.

"Did you have to bring the dog inside?" Rosalie asked while Emmett snickered, "The revenge was fitting and all but the whole place reeks."

I blushed deeper, "Sorry."

"You only trashed Ed's stuff." Emmett's statement was almost a question.

I looked over at my brother, "I was never angry with you Em. Maybe a little but mostly just sad."

He smiled at me, "I am sorry I left you Bells."

"I know." I nodded and looked back to Carlisle and Esme, "I'm glad to see all of you, it's all I wanted for a long time but I learned to let go and move on. I don't really know why you're here now."

Carlisle nodded, "We, all of us, are sorry for leaving you Bella and had we thought you were in danger we never would have left."

Alice snorted and I turned to her. "Sorry." She mumbled.

"No, what?" She looked away, "Alice?"

"Jazz mentioned it. After Edward said we had to leave. He said we should watch out for Victoria. Edward was convinced you were safer with us gone though and went off to track her himself. We should have listened to Jazz. He knows what he's talking about. If I had seen, but I didn't see and we didn't listen to Jazz. We left you and we are all very sorry."

"I forgive you. Victoria is dead and its over. That still doesn't tell me why you went back or are here now."

"I'm so sorry Bella." Esme looked like she might want to cry.

I focused back on Carlisle, "Sorry?"

"We've all missed you." Carlisle smiled at me, "We made the wrong choice Bella. Our family, we haven't been the same, leaving you, abandoning one of our own, it was a mistake."

"Bella," Rosalie's voice was soft and tentative, I turned to look at her and sent her a small smile to encourage her to speak. "I didn't choose this life. I wouldn't choose it for another. Well I did, for Emmett and I've never regretted that. I love him. I still ache for what I can't have though. He was dying and you had a full life in front of you. I didn't want this for you, not because I didn't want you a part of our family but because I wanted you to have a life. You deserved to have a real life."

"Rosalie?" I questioned her softly, seeing the torment in her eyes.

"We can't have babies Bella. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and I can't ever be. I just, I wanted to say that I'm sorry I was a bitch. It was about Edward not you. I wanted you to have a life, one you couldn't have with us."

I nodded, "Why now? What's changed?"

"I can't see you Bella. I haven't been able to since we left." Alice spoke quietly, her voice soft.

"What does that mean?" I looked from her to Carlisle confused.

"We were worried something happened to you." Carlisle spoke up again, "Leaving you was a mistake, one all of us regret. You belong with us."

"We came to find you, to bring you home." Esme smiled.

"The house isn't the only reason Edward is waiting in Alaska." Carlisle interrupted. "He still has some issues with what we have decided. He's conceded that it is your choice though."

"My choice?"

"If you want to become one of us Bella." Rosalie smiled softly, "To be a part of our family."

"Forever." Alice grinned at me.

"Forever?"

"I'll change you." Carlisle offered, "If it's still something you want."

My mind was reeling, "I…" they came here to change me? "Um, well, I uh."

"Take time to think about it Bella." Rosalie smiled at me. "Think about all of the consequences carefully and be sure you wont regret the choice."

I nodded, "If Alice can take me home now, I think I need some time to process this."

"Of course." Esme smiled warmly at me.

"The one you were with in our home asked us to give you this." Carlisle handed me a small envelope.

"Thanks."

I stood up and sent them all a small smile before turning to Alice, "Would you mind driving me home now?"

She smiled at me, "Of course not." I followed her back out of the hotel and into the little sports car. She let me think as she drove us back towards the coffee shop that was half a block from my apartment.

I felt a little like I might be in shock, sort of numb.

I climbed out of her car and went into my apartment still holding the letter. I sat on my couch and stared at it for a while before sighing and opening the small square envelope.

_Leech Lover,_

_Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves and fuck what everyone else thinks. Take what you want, be strong, be happy. I did love you. I do love you. Take care of yourself._

_Wolf._

I wiped at a tear that had escaped.I had loved him to. I sighed and looked around my little studio apartment, then I got up and emptied my gym bag. I put in a clean pair of jeans, sweats and several tops, then a few clean panties. Next, I put in a photo album, the dream catcher Jake gave me and the stuffed wolf Leah gave me when I left. After I crawled into bed and lay thinking. I cried as I thought about the past, my parents, the Cullen's, the pack, I relived all my memories, good and bad and I knew I was making the right decision. I fell asleep content with the choice I made and woke up rested. I showered and dressed in distressed dark wash jeans, a charcoal gray lace edged racer-back tank and fitted long black hoodie with my black ballet flats. I also put on the lapis lazuli ring my mother had given me for my sixteenth birthday, I always wore it on my pointer finger. I also wore the little charm bracelet Paul had given me when I left and the Tiffany necklace Charlie had given to me at graduation. I had my coffee and looked around my apartment to see if I had missed anything. When I was sure I had everything, I put the duffle strap over my head and left my apartment.

Three days later and I was driving past the La Push sign. I wondered what the Cullen's had made of my note. At least I had left them a goodbye.

_I'm sorry. Everything is different now. I am different now. I loved you, I loved all of you so much and part of me always will but I learned to let go. I learned to really live and I don't want to ever give that up. Take care and be happy. ~ Bella._

I drove straight to Paul's place and sat on the porch. It didn't take long for the wolves to step out of the woods. They all looked surprised. I turned directly to Paul.

"Imprint yet?" He shook his head and I tilted mine, "I want to jump off a cliff, will you take me?"

He frowned at me, "Of course."

"It might be dangerous."

He shrugged, "Werewolf."

"That might not save either of us this time around. Hell it's the thing that might kill us."

Comprehension began to appear in his eyes and he took a step closer, "No, but it might come close."

I nodded, "Its worth it."

He took another step closer to me, the pack was watching us in confusion, "Say it."

"I want you." I sighed, my eyes boring into his, "I love you."

Two steps and he had me in his arms, "I love you." He said the moment before his head dipped and his mouth met mine. I sighed into him. I was home. I felt his electricity fill my veins. I felt alive.

The kiss quickly deepened and he lifted me up into his arms. He carried me into his house, kicking the door closed behind us and lay me out on the bed. He was gentle as he pealed off my clothes kissing the skin bared to him. I ran my hands all over his bare chest, his abs, his pecs, his shoulders, his back. I caressed the hot satin of his skin, tracing the lines of the steal muscles underneath. He began to kiss, lick and nip my skin, rubbing his body against me. I loved it when he did that. I could almost swear that his scent would cling to me for hours after.

I was panting and wet, nearly begging as only Paul could make me, I actual moaned his name in a plea. He understood and covered me, slipping slowly inside me, his eyes holding mine. His movement was slow as though he was savoring every second of the feeling. I clenched my muscles around him in and breathed his name, "Paul, please." The beg came out close to a whine. I needed him to move, to fuck me, to infuse me with his heat and life.

Paul growled and kissed me before beginning to move. I tugged him closer and begged him for more. He gave it to me. Each thrust became harder and went deeper. I met him each time, our movements becoming more erratic as we built higher, climbing to our peaks together. I came screaming his name and felt darkness tugging at my senses, the force of the orgasm causing me to nearly blackout.

We lay panting in each other's arms and I snuggled closer to his heat. I was always cold, always so cold, except with him, when I was touching him I felt warm and safe, I felt confident and free.

"Bella?"

"Mmmhmm?" I kissed his chest.

"Don't be mad."

I frowned leaning up to look him in the eyes, "Why?"

"I'm not going to imprint."

"You don't know that but its ok. No relationship comes with a guarantee and I told you, it's worth it with you."

"Ours does."

"What?" I asked him confused.

"Ours does come with a guarantee, if you want it."

"Paul?"

"You begged Jake to say he didn't imprint on you. You didn't want that."

"Right but he didn't."

"No." He hesitated. "I did."

"What?" I screeched sitting bolt upright now.

"I imprinted on you Bella."

"When? How? Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded. Did he not want me?

"That afternoon you yelled at Sam and then hit me. Our eyes met right before I phased. I didn't tell you because it wasn't what you needed or wanted and in the beginning I was a mess over it all. I wanted you to choose me Bella, I knew you would stay here for me but I needed you to be free. You needed me to let you live and make your own choices for a while. It killed me. You have no idea how hard it was and then the Cullen's came looking and I was so scared. Sam nearly ordered me to go after you and the guys all wanted to just kill them but you needed to decide what you wanted Bella."

"I love you." I blinked away tears and leaned down to kiss him.

"You aren't upset?" He asked, still looking a little worried.

"You suffered when I left. You must have hurt so much and you did it for me. You gave me a choice even when that choice was taken from you."

"That day I took you off the cliff. I might have imprinted before and it made me want to be near you and to protect you but that day, looking into your eyes, I knew I could love you and I did, I do, not because of the imprint but because of you. Everything about you makes me happy, even the things that drive me crazy; I missed them when you were gone. The way you always scold me for being rude to the others, the way you look at me with part annoyance and part blush when I make an inappropriate comment, the way you wear my shirts all the time, the way you babble in your sleep, the list of things I miss about you is long and complex. It starts with your blush, stops at the freckle you have on your left hipbone, detours to how clumsy you are and passes through the over-thinking rambling of your thoughts."

I laughed and kissed him again, "I love you Paul. Your possessiveness, your nagging me to eat more, pushing me to stand up for myself, everything. No one I met could stand up next to you. It was only ever you."

Paul tugged me down to him and kissed me with such tenderness and passion that my heart felt like it was being melted into a puddle. I knew each beat thrummed out his name.

I was home. Finally and forever, home.


	2. Paul

The little bitch hit me. I felt my whole body begin to convulse. I was being push back so I didn't hurt the little Leech Lover. I glared at her. She was afraid, I could smell it, then her eyes flicked to mine and I could see it in their depths. She was afraid of me. The thought hit me like a semi automatic and I exploded.

She was running from me now. The reason for my existence, the reason to breathe and she was afraid of me. I saw Jake jump the rail of the deck and come running. My imprint was afraid of me and it was his fault. He hadn't protected her from the leech, I didn't care that he hadn't been a wolf then, he had let them near her, let them hurt her. I heard her sweet voice yell at Jake in terror and then the baby alpha jumped her and phased. I growled at him and we crashed into each other. I couldn't think, all I did was follow instinct.

Sam let us fight it out for a bit, then ordered us both to phase back. Jake was human first. I was still to angry, but my thoughts, tinged in red and only focused on fighting him ran back to the way he had phased jumping over her. What if he had miscalculated? He could have hurt her. Ah shit. I growled and shook, reminding myself she was fine. After a minute I was able to phase back. With my rational thoughts returning I realized exactly what I was thinking, what had happened. I had imprinted. Bella Swan, the Leech Lover, was my imprint. She was my imprint and she was afraid of me. I had terrified her. The bitter scent still clung to my nose. I began to shake again but with an order, Sam made it stop. I had to get my shit under control.

"I didn't tell her anything Paul, the order wouldn't let me. I just asked her to remember. To think about the legends I told her a while back when she first came to First Beach. She figured it out herself, or you out-ed us by phasing if she hadn't."

I nodded to him, my rage had over shadowed my thoughts, he didn't know I had imprinted on his girl. I could feel the wolf part of me growling at that. She wasn't his girl she was mine.

I pushed down those instincts and nodded.

"You should explain it all to her now Jake, imprint or not, she is one of us now." Sam told him, making Jake grin. All he had wanted was Bella. For him it was the worst part about becoming a wolf, having to give her up. A sick part of me wanted to rub it in his face that she was mine now. I held back though, I wasn't ready to share this news, I had to sort it out for myself. I never wanted an imprint, I didn't like the little Leech Lover, didn't understand how she could know what they were and still be near them, to love them.

We went back to Sam's place and as soon as I saw her I felt relieved. She was ok. She didn't look hurt or scared or in shock. She looked beautiful, delicate and calm.

I took a muffin and watched her leave with Jake. He had nearly hurt her, he had hurt her when he stopped talking to her and I had supported that, I had hurt her by it. I had hurt her and when she came here to fight back I had scared her, terrified my own imprint.

"Paul." Sam's voice was a warning and I pulled my thoughts back under control.

"Jared." I nodded to the door and he understood. Jared and I had been friends since kindergarten.

"What's up man?" Jared asked as we walked through the woods.

"I imprinted on Bella Swan." Jared was the one person I had always shared everything with, I told him all my secrets and even let him bandage me up when my stepfather had beat the shit out of me. My father had joined the army when he was eighteen and died eleven years later when I was only three. I didn't even remember him. People said my mother died with him. The alcoholic bitch inhabiting her body was just a shell. If she had loved him so much you'd think she would have wanted to protect his kid. I looked too much like him though. It only made her drink more. Then came the day I fought back and put her husband in the hospital for a change. She didn't even seem to care when he left. She just kept living out of her Jack bottle until two months after I turned sixteen and she killed herself, my father's military picture in her hand.

We had been walking in silence for a while now and were near my cabin. I was a year older than Jared and so had graduated the previous year. I should have left but I was waiting for J. He had always been like my brother and we were going to get out of here together. Until we both phased, then we were stuck here, forever. Hell at least we had each other still. Jared blamed himself, thought if I hadn't stayed here to wait for him I'd never have phased, the truth was though that I didn't mind being a wolf. I was somebody, my life had a purpose, I was a protector of my people and I still had my brother by my side. It was better than being out in the world, alone and with no purpose.

"Are you going to tell her?" Jared finally asked as he pushed open to door and went to my fridge for beers. I just shrugged and accepted the one he handed me.

Jared stayed with me that night and the next day we all saw Jake's conversation with Bella running through his head. The kid couldn't block any of his thoughts. I watched as she practically begged him to not say he had imprinted on her. I had made my decision. I would watch over her, keep her safe and make her happy. The imprint made it impossible not to need to be near her but with the way she hung around Jake I could do all that without telling her about the imprint.

That afternoon Jared came with me to see Sam. He didn't like that I wasn't going to tell her but agreed that it was my choice. I didn't want her or the pack to know.

Time passed and I carefully hid my relief and happiness every time Jake played a memory of her in his head. She was so beautiful and she was alive and growing healthier by the day. She was also so hurt and it killed me that I couldn't make her happy, take away her pain. It also made me angry, she wasn't this weak, I knew she wasn't, why didn't she see that? How could she not know how strong and beautiful she was?

The morning Harry Clearwater had a heart attack I smelt her on the cliffs. The redheaded leech was in the area. Embry had caught her scent at dawn.

She looked so sad sitting there, I wanted to rage at her but I didn't want her to be afraid of me again. Every time I thought about the way she had looked at me that day, the scent of her terror filled my nose and my heart felt like it was being stabbed with a crooked knife, twisting in my chest to do the most damage.

She wasn't unhappy enough to kill herself was she?

"Hey Leech Lover!" I called out striding out of the woods towards her. "Thinking about jumping?" I prayed she would laugh at me or roll her eyes.

"Why not?"

"Besides the storm rolling in?" I asked her, my heart feeling like it might beat out of its chest. I always felt like this around her. A war was waging within me. The wolf part that wanted to take her, to claim her as ours and the man part that wanted her to choose me. It was a difficult battle but the man won, the wolf couldn't fight against hearing her beg Jacob in his memory, she didn't want to be an imprint.

Her next response shocked me back to the moment, "So take me over."

I just stared at her for a few seconds in surprise; I had not expected that. "Why?"

"To be free." Her quiet voice answered.

"You want to jump off a cliff with a building storm to be free?"

"Yes." She nodded and stood facing me, her chin raised in determination, "So?"

I fought for control and tried to exude an image of nonchalance as my heart tried to beat its way through my chest, "It'll be cold."

"You're like a hundred and ten degrees."

"One oh seven and I'll be fine. You'll be cold." I was a little worried, I could keep her safe but she might get sick.

She didn't care, "So?"

I just watched her, trying to read her. I wanted to take her over, to give her what she wanted. It was the first time I had ever found something she wanted, just for herself. Even if it was jumping off a cliff in a coming thunderstorm, slightly mad or not I couldn't deny her. I would be able to keep her safe. I would also get to hold her in my arms, something I never thought I would be able to do. "I think you might be losing it Leech Lover."

She shrugged and our eyes met, sending a jolt through me, "Maybe, or maybe I'm just trying to get it back."

Her answer made me laugh. "Fight crazy with crazy huh." I tried to shake away the feeling looking into her eyes had given me but I knew, it was crazy but I had seen something in her eyes, something that called to me and I knew I could love her. If only she would choose me.

I pulled her into my arms and carried her over the cliff. The feel of her softness against me was doing strange things. My body was reacting in a manner I would expect it to holding a soft, beautiful woman but it was my heart, trying to beat its way out of my chest and the content purr of my wolf side that surprised me. She smelled like summer wild flowers and warm woman, she smelled like home.

I didn't even think as I pulled her into my arms and carried her home. The place she belonged, I just needed to make her strong, make her see it. I needed her to choose me.

That afternoon passed to quickly. Every second with her was precious. She was funny and smart and so beautiful. She was also not as broken as she thought. I could see her there in her eyes, buried under the sorrow. I would do whatever it took to free her. I would kill the redhead. I would even let her leave me. I could love her enough to do that. I already did. I would love her enough to teach her to be strong and to set her free.

Three days later, she was at the bonfire with Jake. I want to rip his hands off everytime he touched her. When she smiled at me in the food line I had almost pulled her into my arms and kissed her senseless but I couldn't I had to be stronger than that. She needed me to be strong. She needed me to set her free.

I robotically ate the tasteless food and tried not to look over at them, lest I rip off Jacob's arm.

"She's coming." Jared whispered to me.

I looked up and saw her drop next to Kim, there was mischief in her eyes, "You never did say how you felt about arson."

"Want to have a proper bonfire then? Thought we'd have to work you up to that one." I winked and at her blush, the wolf reared up, begging me to pull her into my arms and kiss her.

"Nope."

I pushed down my instincts and tried to think rationally, "Let's not risk the forest, we can trash it if you want though, might be more satisfying anyways."

Her smile sent a thrill through me, "You got a baseball bat?"

"I can procure one."

"Let's go."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

I shoved the last of my burger in my mouth to keep from kissing her and wondered how she would react to the wolf, at least as him the lust faded/

"We can drive or you can ride a wolf."

"Really? Wont that hurt you?"

Her concern warmed my heart and I laughed feeling lighter than I could remember. The idea of riding me seemed to excite her and before I could let that thought get away with me I left. "I'll go phase."

I could hear Jared confused, "What?" and chuckled as I burst into my wolf. I knew Sam would check what the hell was going on so I carefully focused my thoughts. First on scenting for fear on Bella but there wasn't the slightest trace and I wanted to do a happy dance. Instead, I started to jog, thinking about the woods, the route to take that would be smoothest for her and about destruction.

We reached the property line of their home and Sam ordered me to stop. Bella slid off my back and I whined at her unable to phase back until Sam lifted the order to wait. He, and all the pack had followed us. They were all curious. I just thought at them that Bella asked me to bring her here and focused again on different things to keep them all out of my head.

Sam stepped out in loose fitting shorts and talked with Bella. He nodded at me to let me know I could phase and then he ordered Jared to stay with us. Jake didn't like that and I couldn't help returning his growl.

We went into the house and she led us up to one of the rooms. She looked lost and so sad for a minute and then dropped to her knees.

"Jared out." I ordered him and pulled her into my arms, needing to hold her, to comfort her. "Maybe not so ready for this yet."

She shook her head, and I felt her take a few deep breaths to steady herself. My strong and beautiful imprint. She stood and asked me to teach her to bat. I was happy enough to hold her again but as I felt desire for her growing I stepped away. I didn't want her to feel that pressed against her ass. I might want her but I wanted her to want me.

She really did a number on the stereo and CDs but didn't stop at that shelf. She trashed everything. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen. Then as if she could smell my desire she turned and kissed me. The wolf side of me pushed to the surface and I growled with need.

"Fuck me Paul."

"Bella." Her name came out part groan and part plea. I wanted her, needed her so badly it hurt.

"You don't love me. I don't love you. Tomorrow you might imprint or Victoria might kill me. Tonight, right now, I want you to fuck me." Her words stung a little because I did love her and I wanted her to love me to. But she wanted me. It was a start.

The wolf side won and growled in triumph as I gave in and kissed her with everything in me. She kissed me back with the same level of violent desire.

I had to be inside her, now. I pulled back to let us both breath and to strip her though I couldn't stop kissing her, I needed to taste her skin. The scent of the vampires lingering in the house disappeared in the waves of her scent pouring out of her. I knew she wanted me, but I needed to be sure she wouldn't regret it. I had to ask. It nearly killed me to do it.

I reached for him, "Bella?"

"Paul, please, now!"

I was lost to her. I knew she was a virgin so I tried to be careful, to build her up and at least send her over once before taking her. I nearly lost it when she wrapped her legs around my hips drawing me closer.

"Yes, Paul, fuck me, now."

I tried to go slow, to let her adjust but she felt like pure heaven. Her tight, wet heat enveloping me. I reached her barrier and trembled with the effort to hold still. I kissed her to capture the pained cry as I broke through, claiming her as mine. I tried to take it slow but it was so hard to hold onto my control, I needed her so badly. She met me with each thrust and with her nails digging into my back as she urged me to move faster, I lost it, pounding into her faster and harder, growling while she panted my name. I slid my hand to her center, I needed her to come with me and she did, clamping around me like a vise and wailing my name. The orgasm ripped through me, more intense than anything I had ever experienced. I couldn't breath or move for a minute.

Then she laughed, the bell like sound so full of joy as she kissed my shoulder and her words filled me with hope, "If you don't imprint tomorrow, can we do that again?"

My wolf gave a tired protest, she had come to me, she wanted me, I should claim her now but I couldn't, not yet. I wouldn't trap her. I had to set her free. That was what she wanted and I knew it was what she needed to but at least for a little while, I could have at least part of her. "Yeah Leech Lover, we can do that again whenever you feel up for it."

"Come on then Wolf. I have a grand piano to destroy."

I kissed her and pulled on my shorts. She was amazing and I was so fucking screwed. I knew when she left it would kill me but as she glanced at me with a smile before taking a swing at the piano I knew I would happily die to see her that carefree and happy again.

"Jake's gonna kill you." Jared nodded at me, grinning from ear to ear. I could read my brother as easily as he could me, what he really meant was, good for you dude, claim the girl already.

Bella was the one who surprised me, "It's none of his fucking business." She told him, chin held high. "We are friends but he is not my keeper and I can fuck whoever the hell I want to, it's my life." I was so fucking proud of her. I laughed and stripped out of my shorts and it hit me, if I lost her, nothing else could ever matter.

I phased as the thought hit me. My mother must have been my fathers imprint, only he hadn't phased. I would never do to her child what my mother had done to me but I could suddenly understand why she had been so lost. She might have been a terrible mother but she had remarried so a man would be in my life and she had lived until I was old enough to survive alone before letting go.

Jared listened to my thoughts but said nothing. His thoughts were calm and helped to calm me. The revelation hurt and the one thing he did think at me was an image of us with a bottle of Jack sitting on my couch. He was always there when I needed him, a silent support.

Jared was right, Jake was pissed and it was almost funny. I just sat back and watched. Sam would never order me away from Bella. He couldn't, she was my imprint. Jake would just have to deal with it. She had come to me. She wanted me, not because an imprint made her feel obligated to be with me but because she had desired me and judging by the eye fuck she sent my way, combined with that pretty little blush always gracing her cheeks, she still desired me.

She was also upset with Jake and like last nigh she filled me with joy and pride as she stood up for herself and for us being together. "Fuck you Jacob Black." She paused and the pack held their breath, "Oh no, that's right, that's your problem, I fucked Paul not you." I held back a laugh but a snort escaped. "No one would be alpha ordering you away, would they? No it's fine if you play with my heart and claim to love me until you imprint right?"

"Bella…" Her name came out like a plea from him but she just cut him off.

"No, I love you" that one hurt even with the second part, "like a brother but I will not be ordered or manipulated to do or not do anything. This is my life and if I want to screw Paul or any one else it is none of your damn business." She turned to Sam, "If he does imprint, great, I hope she is wonderful. I don't love him." Ok, that one really fucking hurt and I think I might have whined a little because Leah looked at me funny and Jared sent me a look that screamed, we'll have a fight and bottle of Jack later. I tuned back into Bella. "I don't think anyone here has ever gotten the impression that either of us holds a secret love burning for the other. We fucked. Maybe we'll do it again. Really though it's none of your business."

Sam nodded, "I agree." Of course he did, he already knew she was my imprint. I was grateful that he was keeping it to himself though.

"Sam!"

"Enough Jacob. It's their lives and they can make their own choices, both are aware of the possibility he'll imprint." Sam turned back to Bella, "None of us want to see you hurt again Bella but it is your life, you can do what you want with it. At least screwing Paul you actually seem to be living again."

She looked happy at that and then relieved when Sam agreed the discussion was over. "Thanks Sam. Now can we maybe possibly not talk about this anymore?"

After Bella left Jacob attacked me. Guess I wouldn't need to take the pain out on a fight with Jared later after all and I wasn't concerned with holding back fighting Jake, the fucker attacked me and wasn't holding back.

Sam finally got us separated.

"She deserves better!" Jake growled at us. "How can you do this Sam!"

"It's her choice." Sam stayed calm against Jacob's rage.

"No!" He growled, "You saw her after Cullen left, you know Paul is going to do that to her. He'll get bored and screw someone else." I growled at him, "Or he'll imprint and she'll be left like Leah." Leah and Sam both growled at him that time. "She shouldn't have to suffer. I love her. I swore I would protect her and keep her from ever being hurt."

"She's my imprint." The confession shocked even me.

Jake's head shot over to me and I repeated it, all the pack silent and focused on us, shock running through all of them as I opened my mind and let them see it all. The moment I imprinted on her, every thought and decision I had made about it, including the decision to let her leave me. I loved her enough to see her strong and set her free. I shared it all with them, including all the fear and pain.

"You can't just let her leave." Leah surprised me. Imprinting was one of the things she hated most about us.

"I have to."

"It'll kill you. It's already killing you!" She argued.

"Tell her." Jake surprised me as well. I thought he would understand. "It has to be her choice Jake. You know she would stay. She would be with me because she felt she had to. It would destroy a piece of her. She needs to see how strong she is, she needs to stand on her own and be free. I can't trap her like that."

"No one is to tell Bella about this." Sam ordered them all. "This is Paul's imprint. It is his choice."

"She deserves to be happy. If she's his imprint she'll be happy with him." Jake argued. The fucker was just throwing me for a loop today. "I love her." He focused on me, "I wish more than anything it had been me. That is hardly a secret but it wasn't me and as much as I want her you were meant for her. You can make her happy. You might not deserve her and it will take time for me to see you with her but Paul, she deserves to be happy and with the man who will love her like only we can love an imprint."

"She deserves to have the choice Jake. She needs to feel strong and be free to fall in love or not on her own terms and not feel trapped by supernatural shit."

The pack was divided but with Sam's order, none of them could do anything about it. Jake would avoid us for a while, he was unhappy with me still. Not because I had slept with her but because I hadn't claimed her. The kid was pretty selfless, I could see in his mind that mixed with his love and concern for Bella, part of his objection was fear for me. We all knew it would kill me when she left La Push. It already hurt so much but I was used to pain, I would suffer ten times this to see her happy.

She spent more time on the reservation, she was with Emily and Kim almost every day. She had made the pack her family and even introduced me to Charlie, not as her boyfriend, we were friends. We were fucking like bunnies but still she held that we were friends and together on a day by day basis. If I didn't see her for a couple days she'd smile at me and ask if I'd imprinted. I always told her no and she'd grin and ask if I still wanted her then. Without fail the wolf would rise and I'd pull her into my arms for a searing kiss.

Charlie cornered me one afternoon outside Billy's house.

"I know you and Bells are more than friends." He said gruffly.

"We're dating," I shrugged, "She's not really ready for commitment."

He sighed and shook his head, "No, she isn't but she is so much better."

"Stronger every day." I agreed.

"You don't hurt her." He glared at me.

I met his eyes and couldn't lie, "I'd die first."

He looked surprised but I knew he believed me, "You love her?" It wasn't rally a question.

I nodded, "She's everything to me."

"She plans to leave in the fall."

I nodded, "She needs to go, to stand on her own."

"What about?"

"I love her enough to let her go Charlie." I told him sadly, "I'll be here waiting if she ever comes back."

"Go with her. She's happier with you."

I wished I could, "She needs to know she can stand on her own. She needs to be free, to feel strong and sure of herself again."

He nodded, "You're a good man Meraz. You take care of my baby. I know she loves you more than she'll let herself admit, even just to herself."

His words filled me with hope.

Six days later we caught the bitch. A few of us were hurt but as the others celebrated around the stinking bonfire I felt only fear and sadness. Bella was free to leave now. She was safe. Jared came over and sat next to me.

"Jack?"

I nodded and we sat watching the flames a while longer. We all went to tell Bella and celebrate at a proper bonfire. Jared and I didn't drink that night. Bella came home with me. She spent the entire night. Charlie didn't even protest. I think he hoped she'd admit she loved me and stay. We both did.

She did stay the summer. It was the best summer of my life. I tried not to think of the fall that crept closer faster than it ever had before. My Bella came out of her shell that summer. She laughed and played. We hung out with the pack, went cliff jumping and fucked even more than before. She was half living with me and Charlie had me over for dinner every other week and joined the pack and elders once a week for dinner on the reservation.

Then September first came. We all had hoped Bella would change her mind at the last and not leave. Watching her go was the hardest thing I had ever done.

That night Jared showed up with a bottle of Jack. A few minutes later so did the rest of the pack. They didn't understand my decision and most hated it but they stayed with me. After two days it was to much. Leah told me I was a dumb fuck and to go get her and force her back here. I wolfed out and stayed that way for weeks. It hurt to much to be human.

I hurt all the time. It was Charlie who brought me back. He came onto the reseration looking for me and got in a fight with Jake who phased. After it was all explained to him I found him in the woods near my house.

"Paul!" He called. "I know you're all furry and shit. Come out. I brought some whiskey."

I trotted out of the woods. He was a little afraid but held out the bottle of Jack. "La Push is out of my jurisdiction and drinking laws are for humans, come on."

I phased back, and he looked away blushing. I didn't say anything as I went into my house and pulled on shorts. Charlie had followed me in and sat at the table.

The man became like a father to me after that day. We shared anything we heard about Bella and shared a meal a couple times a week. He was a good man and as much as it still hurt, having this one extra connection to Bella helped some.

Then came the call that Renee was dead. I ran to Sam and told him I had to leave. He helped me book a flight to Florida so I would be there when Bella landed. I knew they all hoped I'd bring her home with me but I saw her onto a plane to Chicago and returned to La Push. The time I had spent with her was heaven but watching her leave was just as painful the second time around. As soon as I was home, I phased. It was only two days this time. Charlie showed up with Jared.

She came home for Christmas. We all pretended things were the same as when she left us. We all prayed she would stay. She was living with me for the weeks she stayed and we all had Christmas at Sam and Emily's house.

"Ask her to stay." Charlie pleaded with me as she packed to leave.

I shook my head at him, as much as I wanted to believe she had come home when she arrived for the holidays I knew she hadn't. This was only a visit. I was beginning to accept that she might never come home. She might never choose me. I hadn't realized that I had been able to let her leave before because part of me thought she'd be back.

I made an excuse and ran out, I phased in the woods. I couldn't watch her leave a third time. I ran for weeks before going home. Bella had made her choice and it wasn't me. The pack, the elders and Charlie were all there for me. I hurt all the time and the pack hurt with me. I hated it but I couldn't force her by telling her about the imprint. She needed to be free, she needed me to let her go so I had to do it, no matter how much it hurt. I loved her enough to let the wolf suffer.

It was March when the Cullen's came. I wanted to tear them apart. The whole pack did. We were edgy, my pain affecting all of us, the pain filling us with rage that demanded action.

We heard the roar of Edward and I got a sick pleasure knowing he would have been able to tell what had happened there. He would know I had taken her innocence there in his room, the fluids of both our bodies spilling out of her onto his couch.

He wasn't with them when they came to meet us. It was still hard not to kill them all. Luckily, Sam was able to stay relatively calm. They had come for Bella. My Bella.

I went home and Jared came to sit with me. I knew I had to really let her go. I also knew it might actually destroy me. I pulled out a paper and pen, took another shot of whiskey and wrote her a message. She had to know, she had to have the choice, them, me, a regular human. Whatever she wanted, I would let her choose but she had to know I loved her.

_Leech Lover,_

_Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves and fuck what everyone else thinks. Take what you want, be strong, be happy. I did love you. I do love you. Take care of yourself._

_Wolf._

I gave the letter to the doctor leech and then phased. I didn't run this time. I just wandered into the woods, curled up and lay there. The pack came and settled near me. Charlie and even Emily and Kim all trekked out as well. Brining food and checking on us. The pack mind was relatively silent. My mind ran over Bella's face when she smiled, the way her eyes shone when she laughed. Then on patrol a week after the Cullen's left. Seth caught her scent.

Bella had come home.

Why?

Did she turn the Cullen's down? Did they not reach her before she left Boston? Was she back to say goodbye?

I didn't want to let myself consider that she might have come home for me but my heart still swelled with hope.

I got up and the others with me were running by my side, Seth and Embry running patrol joined us, then Sam and Leah who had been checking on things at home.

She was at my cabin. She had come to see me first.

I phased and pulled on shorts, the pack all only a second behind me. I stepped out of the woods.

"Imprint yet?" She asked me standing. I shook my head no. "I want to jump off a cliff, will you take me?"

I didn't understand, she had come all this way, to go cliff jumping? "Of course." I'd do anything for her.

"It might be dangerous."

He shrugged, "Werewolf."

"That might not save either of us this time around. Hell it's the thing that might kill us."

It filtered through my thick skull, she didn't want to jump off a real cliff but a metaphorical one, "No, but it might come close." I knew if she left me again it would kill me though. I needed her to choose me, not just for a little while, but to give her whole heart to me as mine already belonged to her.

She nodded, her words filling me with warmth and hope, "Its worth it."

I took an involuntary step closer to her, I needed to hear her say it, "Say it."

"I want you." She sighed and her eyes met mine with such intensity and love it nearly drowned me, "I love you."

Two steps and I had her in my arms, I would never let her go again. "I love you." I admitted and kissed her with all the pent up love, lust and anguish of the last few months. I lifted her into my arms and carried her into the house. The pack was forgotten. I had my Bella in my arms. She had chosen me. I had made her strong, set her free and she had chosen me.

I carefully stripped her. Kissing every inch of her skin, her soft little hands ran over me sending hot chills through me. I needed to taste her, to rub her scent all over me and to burn mine into her.

It wasn't until she moaned my name that I moved over her and slid into her. I claimed her body as she claimed my soul. My Bella was home. She had chosen me.

When we lay panting in each other's arms, sated and content, I knew it was time. I had to tell her. I just hoped she wouldn't be upset with me for keeping it from her.

"Bella?"

"Mmmhmm?" She kissed my chest sounded relaxed and sleepy.

"Don't be mad."

She leaned up to look at me, awake, alert and worried. "Why?"

"I'm not going to imprint." How did I explain to her that I had lied every time she asked me if I had yet?

"You don't know that but its ok. No relationship comes with a guarantee and I told you, it's worth it with you." She sounded so sure and it made me want to kiss her again, to claim her as mine.

I had to tell her first, "Ours does."

"What?" She looked so adorable with her brow furrowed together.

"Ours does come with a guarantee, if you want it."

The question was just a breath, "Paul?"

I had to explain, I hadn't meant to lie to her really. I had only tried to give her what she wanted. "You begged Jake to say he didn't imprint on you. You didn't want that."

"Right but he didn't."

"No." I took a fortifying breath, "I did."

"What?" She screeched sitting bolt upright now.

"I imprinted on you Bella." I waited for her to say no, to reject it.

"When? How? Why didn't you tell me?"

She was going to let me explain, I needed to make her understand, I had only done it for her, to give her the choice. She needed to know I would always choose her over everything, even my own life and happiness. "That afternoon you yelled at Sam and then hit me. Our eyes met right before I phased. I didn't tell you because it wasn't what you needed or wanted and in the beginning I was a mess over it all. I wanted you to choose me Bella, I knew you would stay here for me but I needed you to be free. You needed me to let you live and make your own choices for a while. It killed me. You have no idea how hard it was and then the Cullen's came looking and I was so scared. Sam nearly ordered me to go after you and the guys all wanted to just kill them but you needed to decide what you wanted Bella."

Her eyes were watery as she gazed at me "I love you." She kissed me and my heart felt like it might burst with happiness.

"You aren't upset?" I had to be sure.

"You suffered when I left. You must have hurt so much and you did it for me. You gave me a choice even when that choice was taken from you."

She understood. She always understood me. "That day I took you off the cliff. I might have imprinted before and it made me want to be near you and to protect you but that day, looking into your eyes, I knew I could love you and I did, I do, not because of the imprint but because of you. Everything about you makes me happy, even the things that drive me crazy; I missed them when you were gone. The way you always scold me for being rude to the others, the way you look at me with part annoyance and part blush when I make an inappropriate comment, the way you wear my shirts all the time, the way you babble in your sleep, the list of things I miss about you is long and complex. It starts with your blush, stops at the freckle you have on your left hipbone, detours to how clumsy you are and passes through the over-thinking rambling of your thoughts."

She laughed and kissed him again, "I love you Paul. Your possessiveness, your nagging me to eat more, pushing me to stand up for myself, everything. No one I met could stand up next to you. It was only ever you."

I tugged her down and kissed her with all the love and passion I felt for her. My beautiful, strong, brave, mate, I lived for her and her alone and she was home. Finally and forever, home.


End file.
